“On more than one occasion, I’ve asked the landlords – via their agents – to provide a loo-roll holder in the cubicle in the gents which has been lacking one, but the answer has always been a firm but polite, ‘sorry, no’. “I tried to get to the bottom of it,” Ardagh continued, choosing his words with care, “but they seem to have washed their hands of it.”
Finally, after four years, with what he – and he alone – has described as “an act of extraordinary selflessness and generosity”, he has purchased and installed a loo-roll holder at his own expense.
“I’m not looking for praise,” he said, “other than also installing a brass plaque – and not one of those cheap ones you can get where they cut keys and fix your shoes – holding an official ‘meet the new loo-roll holder’ ceremony for other people in the building (including women, despite the location), and by submitting an article to the local press,” he explained. “I’m a very private and humble person. If I knew what a bushel was, I’d hide my light under it.”
Comments from other businesses in the building ranged from, “Well done, Philip. You are very special,” to “We’d better get back to work now.”
Please note the date: 31st March. This is NOT an April Fool.
Philip Ardagh has a new picture book, Do You See the Tiger?, out on 5th May, illustrated by David Melling.